As an anxious nation looked
Dateline, February 2, 2010, Hogger's Knob San Diego
(Editor's Note: for an explanation of the economic theory behind the Big Oil hog's amazing predictions, click here)
The Big Oil Hog, who represents the Oil Industry, appeared today at Hogger's Knob at the On the Go Gas and Deli at 500 North Second Street in El Cajon.
Hogwatchers noted that this year's Hog looked leaner than previous years due to slightly lower oil industry profits, but the prescient pig whose forecasts have beeen 100% accurate for the last five years was still in full fighting form. As expected by insiders, the Pink Porker waddled out to Hogger's Knob at 11:08 AM and almost immediately saw his shadow - a sure harbinger of higher gas prices at some time in the next six months.
Rolling in money
The Oracle of Pork brought home the bacon by throwing dollar bills and gold dubloons into the air and rolling in them.
Veteran Hogwatcher and Oil Industry Analyst Charles Langley interpreted this to mean that Big Oil will literally be "rolling in money" for the first half of 2010.
After rolling in the money, the Oil Hog saw a hybrid vehicle parked at a nearby pump. Witnesses on the scene say that the sight of the hybrid appeared to make the Oil Hog "pig-biting mad." In a suprise move, the pink porker attacked the vehicle, but oddly did zero damage even though the powerful 500 pound beast repeatedly rained blows on the hybrid.
According to those present, it seemed as if the hybrid was almost miraculously protected from the Big Oil Hog's assault. "The hybrid seems to be impervious to the attack," said Langley, as the Hog collapsed in exhaustion. At that moment, employees of On the Go Gas rushed out to attack the helpless hog. Gas station owner Sandy Pujji lowered his gas price to $2.69 a gallon in protest of market gaming by oil companiees "This pig isn't kosher and I want him off my property" said Pujji. At $2.69 a gallon, Pujji's gas prices are among the lowest in Southern California.
Master of Ceremonies, Charles Langley read the prediction:
"If you drive an S.U.V.
six months of gas pain we do see.
But if you drive a hybrid auto
you'll feel as though you've won the lotto."
Later today, we expect to post UCAN's own video of the prescient pig's prognostication.
CBS NEWS 8 Video - On the Go Gas protests Big Oil
Hog with lower gas prices.
Watch this epic battle between Good and Evil as
UCAN's Executive Director, Michael Shames defends
gasoline consumers against the dreaded Big Oil Hog
in Underdog vs. Oil Hog.
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